The business plan is in the works and feels like I’m playing Monopoly. Community Chest says, “You won the lottery. You can now spend $10 grand on every LaDiva Video Recipe shoot and have an assistant. Your wardrobe will be enhanced and here’s Iris Internet to re-do your website.” A business plan is a calculated wish list.
My mission statement is to Party the Planet to the Next Level of Compassion. My narrow view of what a cash infusion could do is not worthy of pixels on a screen. I need to remind myself, if you want a global presence, open your head and allow energies you haven’t ever met to carry the project further than you imagine. I need to have a global vision as well as presence.
Anne Hathaway refers to her Golden Globe award as a “lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self-doubt.” I have a piece of paper on my wall stating my projected income by January 2013. I think I need something 3-D. This prompts the question: Where does self-doubt come from?
When you do something right, it is a completed task. When you screw it up,
it’s experience. The accumulation of “experiences” overriding completed tasks leads to self-doubt. I have done so many stupid things, stayed with toxic people, denied reality, turned away from opportunity because of the perception of hard work, impossible goals and fear of succeeding that I feel my life is nothing but experience. Fear of succeeding? Really? Yes. I have caught myself talking myself out of success. I think it will change what I like about my life too much. But, if I open up my vision and allow possibilities beyond my narrow scope who knows what could be. It’s like refusing to open the window in the late summer because sometimes the breeze gets icy cold. Well, if you can open the window and let in the fresh air, you can control the window and shut out the cold. What if you work twelve hours a day to make your dream happen and you actually like working on it? What if you got to the next goal? What if you could retire and support causes that have always been in your heart? Surround yourself with like-minded successful people?
Too often I think, well if I do THAT, I won’t get to do THIS. And “this” is such an easy thing to attain. For example, an actor friend said to me that they didn’t want to take an opportunity to be a real estate agent, althoug they are great at sales, because they wouldn’t able to do “extra” work in film. Extras are the folks you see in the background of movies and TV shows. This person is an extra “to get my insurance” through the actors union. But it is not what they really want to do. They really want good roles in film and theater. What if they became a successful real estate agent, could pay for their own insurance and could produce a film starring them? What if they were so successful they met people who produce films? Don’t those people need places to live?
But “experience” says we will work a million hours and make $40K and NEVER do any of the things we want. We take our past and make it our future. Well, as much as I would like to be as hot and sexy as I was when I was 25, it will not be my future. And am I really as naive as I was at 18? Do I care as much of what people think of me as when I was 30? Is my body ever going to be a scarless as I was at 12? Not bloody likely. And that is okay.
I have experience, but I also have history. My history says when you put on blinders you reach the next level. My history says that I know how to succeed in many things and I just have to apply it to my current goals. My history says I rarely get it right the first time, so I can try over and over.
My history says the bills will get paid somehow, anyway. I will get old, anyway. I will learn something, anyway. I will have self-doubt, anyway, but my history says it is worth doing, anyway.